


in which connor is inducted into the squad, it's not a cult, stfu hank

by MissDinahDarling



Series: hashtag squad goals [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Deserves Happiness, Developing Friendships, Drunkenness, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Gen, Good Parent Hank Anderson, Mood Indicator Android LEDs (Detroit: Become Human), Multi, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 17:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17812397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissDinahDarling/pseuds/MissDinahDarling
Summary: Sometimes a squad is an exhausted Dad Friend™, one useless lesbian, a gay disaster and an android who's just happy to be there.





	in which connor is inducted into the squad, it's not a cult, stfu hank

**THE DETROIT POLICE DEPARTMENT**  
**8.36PM**

“I have a girlfriend,” Tina announced.

Gavin stared at her blankly, turning to Chris to see if he could offer anymore context, but he only just blinked back at him and shrugged. They both turned back to face Tina – Chris with concern and Gavin with the air of a man who was already exhausted with the conversation despite it having just begun.

Tina was stood at full attention, back straight and shoulders squared, her face set in a grim line of determination, despite her eyes begging for her friends to not be dicks about this. Well, for one friend to not be a dick about this – the other one couldn’t be a dick even if he tried.

“She’s an android,” she added, hesitantly, her gaze shifting between Gavin and Chris. She seemed to become more uncomfortable, the longer the silence stretched between them. Gavin’s stony face twitched for a second before Chris used his initiative to take the reins with this one.

“What’s her name?” he asked, smiling at her encouragingly, toying with the rim of his coffee mug. He felt Gavin tense beside him, heard the way his breath faltered and saw how his fingers drummed along the table at a quicker pace.

“Shannon,” Tina answered, her voice unwaveringly firm, yet Chris could see her body lose some of the confidence from five seconds ago.

“Pretty name, where did you meet?” Chris asked, subtly kicking Gavin in the ankle. The longer he freaked out, the more Tina freaked out. As the designated Squad Dad, he could only look after one freaked out friend at a time – at least, until they found their Squad Mom. Both Tina and Gavin had attempted to fill in that role on separate occasions; it led to very unfortunate results which shocked exactly no one.

Tina was a Wine Mom, through and through, and Gavin only had the patience to mother cats – people were clearly beneath him.

“She’s actually the receptionist who works here – the ST300 model? She changed her name a few weeks ago. Said she wanted to stay on ‘cause she enjoyed working here,” Tina said, staring at Gavin with such intensity that Chris briefly considered calling for Fowler for assistance.

“She’s pretty,” he remarked, nodding as he remembered the sweet android who worked at the front desk. ST300 – or Shannon, he corrected himself – was always so happy to see everyone and was one of the few androids who didn’t take shit from assholes who threw abuse at her. She just kindly reminded them of the existing policies that protected her from abuse and informed them that the longer they persisted with said abuse, then the longer she would take to process any complaints they may have.

He should’ve guessed that such passive aggressive tendencies would have attracted Tina like a magpie to shiny things.

“Yeah, she’s funny too,” Tina added, finally breaking from her stance to approach the table, her eyes never leaving Gavin's face. “Doesn’t take shit from anyone.”

Gavin drummed his fingers along the table one last time before he straightened up, meeting Tina’s eyes with an unreadable expression. She swallowed roughly, squaring up as if she was preparing for a fight. In response, Gavin leaned in close to her – a predator ready to take down his prey. Chris felt all the hairs on his neck prick up and considered calling for Fowler once again.

Man could play a damn good referee.

“This is why you cancelled date night last Saturday, isn’t it? I can’t believe you’re one of _those_ guys – fucking ditching all your friends the second you find a significant other because wo-ow, you’ve finally met society’s expectations, who needs friends when you have a partner, you make me fucking sick Chen,” Gavin growled, gazing slipping past Tina as his faux indignation began to build. Chris felt a wave of relief hit him so hard, he had to grip the table to stabilise himself. “I can’t fucking believe you. Fucking known each other for nearly two decades and now you’re throwing me away? I hope you feel so fuckin’ fulfilled in life now.”

Tina snorted, her formal stance falling apart as she collapsed into relieved giggles.

“You’re so shit,” she managed to gasp out, falling into Gavin’s chest to hit at him weakly. “I hate you. I’m totally breaking up with you now.”

Gavin grinned down at her crookedly, turning to bare his teeth at Chris when the man knocked his shoulder with a proud smile. Chris exuded Big Dad Energy and Gavin very rarely had the inclination in indulging him with his bullshit.

“Did you really want my blessing or some shit?” he asked, firmly pushing Tina away who righted herself up with a derisive scoff.

“Ha! You know I’m a grown-ass woman who doesn’t actually give a shit about what you fucking think, but the fact of the matter is that you are literally the brother I never fucking wanted, so here we are; Chris, you are the best work dad ever, I knew you’d be chill, so I wasn’t really worried about you,” Tina paused, chewing her lip momentarily before shaking her head, “anyway, my point is that I’m glad you’re not a racist piece of shit anymore ‘cause now you and my girlfriend can be friends and that would make me really fucking happy.”

“Fucking breath T,” Gavin muttered, rolling his eyes, shifting uncomfortably under her doting gaze.

Chris grinned, turning to shake Gavin’s shoulder softly, “yeah, congrats on passing Android Sensitivity 101 by the way, you can really tell it had an effect on you.”

“I stuck the certificate on my desk,” Gavin said wryly, “pretty sure Connor wants it framed. Anderson had it tested for fucking forgery. Pricks.”

“You actually passed that shit?” Tina asked incredulously.

“Fuck you, the test wasn’t that hard,” Gavin spat, throwing his coffee lid at her.

“They showed you footage from the camps, didn’t they?" Tina asked conspiratorially, "that shit gave me fucking nightmares" She shuddered as she remembered the clips from her own training seminar – she had gone home that night and cried in Shannon's arms. Her girlfriend had then confessed to her own fear of being so close to getting 'exterminated' and Tina, feeling positively sick and ashamed, swore that she would do anything to make up for her past transgressions, starting with completing the android sensitivity examination.

She passed with flying colours and gave Connor full permission to frame her certificate.

He had wonderful taste too; he picked out a gorgeous acrylic frame in a lovely shade of magenta.

She _loved_ it.

“Yeah, understatement of the year, but they were fucked up,” Gavin admitted uncomfortably, pausing slightly before he straightened up and rubbed the scar on his nose, keeping his eyes averted, “also your mom rang me at the weekend, told me I was no different than the assholes who used to bully you in the academy. Said I couldn’t be friends with you if I was still a narrow-minded fuckwit. Thank you _so_ much for telling her what a shitty human I am, by the way.”

“Mama Chen is wise,” Chris stated, nodding along with Tina’s hum of agreement, "probably didn't want her android-dating daughter being friends with an android-hating prick.”

“True that – but seriously, my mom couldn’t be the only reason why you stopped being a bullying prick,” Tina said, narrowing her eyes at Gavin. “She’s not _that_ powerful, otherwise you would have started behaving way back at the academy. Spoiler alert Chris, he did not.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and inclined his head towards where Connor and Hank were sat. The lieutenant had cleaned up nicely since the evacuation of Detroit had ended. He had trimmed his beard, the bags had faded from under his eyes and, more often than not, his hair was tied up, away from his face. The only thing that prevented Gavin’s old crush coming back full-force was the terrible wardrobe choices that Hank persisted with.

Today, the man was wearing a shirt that looked like some had tried to tie-dye it, but then gave up halfway through. The colours clashed horribly and, judging from the shit-eating grin the man wore, he had done it on purpose just to piss Fowler off. Gavin had to resist slipping on his sunglasses when Hank waltzed in wearing the damn thing.

Connor wasn’t much better – since qualifying as a fully-fledged detective, he had been coming into work wearing an array of pastel-coloured jumpers and matching sneakers. Today he was dressed in a mint green jumper with a soft blue shirt – his fucking sneakers were also the same shade of green and had matching blue laces.

Gavin had made a snide remark about how you could tell Connor was only nine months old, to which Connor had flatly responded that he refused to be judged by a man who still wore hoodies with thumb-holes in the cuffs.

Sassy fucker had earned himself some brownie points with Tina for that.

He shook his head irritably and turned to sneer at Tina. “Our resident Ken doll helped me save a cat two weeks ago during a case we were working on. Fucker didn’t even judge me or ask why I cared; he even ran two blocks to find the nearest shop that sold food so we could lure her out from her hiding place. Promised not to tell anyone on the ride back. I think we… _bonded_. We even solved the damn case too.”

Chris and Tina blinked in unison, turning to face each other in pure bemusement.

Tina turned back to Gavin and frowned: "you got a new cat? Why didn't I know you got a new cat?" she demanded, a touch betrayed.

"I don't know," Gavin said snidely, folding his arms across his chest, "when did you stop stalking my Instagram? Oh wait! Lemme guess… when you started dating  _Shannon_ , right? Typical." He radiated disappointment, shaking his head at her like a parent scolding their child.

Tina clucked her tongue and hit him. "I cannot believe you hid your new cat from me," she stated, her faux-outrage causing Chris to chuckle under his breath.

"Wow. Says the girl who hid a _whole_ relationship from me," Gavin retorted. 

"Says the  _guy_ who tried to _elope_ without telli—" 

“I think the important thing to note here, is that it took a _cat_ to help Gavin get over being an asshole,” Chris cut in sharply, sensing that Tina was coming close to crossing a line that they all swore to not touch, "are we surprised? No, no we're not."

“I bet you even let him name her,” Tina added, following Chris' example and smoothly dropping her rant in favour of keeping the conversation light and civil. She gently poked Gavin on the cheek, to which he responded by biting at her, his teeth clacking harshly against the air. “You did, didn’t you? Holy shit, not even I got to fucking name one of your cats!”

“Her name is Coffee Bean,” Gavin replied, narrowing his eyes at her.

He had noticed what Tina was going to say – panic had blossomed in his gut and his eyes had grown wide with indignation, but he let it go. 

For now.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Chris muttered, “have you even apologised to him yet?”

Gavin reared up in disbelief, “I let him name my cat _Coffee Bean_ ,” he reiterated, stabbing the table with his finger for emphasis. The kitten in question was a chocolate ragdoll with the prettiest blue eyes. She'd been hiding behind the dumpster of a bar they had been investigating, crying out loudly for help and attention.

Gavin couldn’t resist – he always had been a sucker for pretty blue eyes.

"Also, the fuck do _I_ need to apologise? He kicked the shit outta me, or did everyone just collectively become amnesic overnight?" Gavin demanded, outraged.

"Yeah, but he actually said sorry for that," Chris pointed out, which was true. Upon his return to the department, Connor had formally apologised with a coffee, strategically placed on Gavin's desk, accompanied with a post-it note which read: ' _sorry for knocking you out_ ' written in neat Cyberlife font. Gavin had drunk it after a stern glare from Hank – he was still bitter about how perfect it had tasted too.

“Shit. We _need_ to go out,” Tina announced excitedly, “we have so much to celebrate! My new girlfriend, Gavin’s new cat, Chris’ everlasting patience, _an-nd_ ,” she added lightly, flicking Gavin on the forehead fondly, “Gavin’s newly formed liberal beliefs.”

“Fuck. Off,” Gavin replied, twisting to check what time it was on the television. Their shift ended in fifteen minutes, so Tina had fabulous timing as always. “Yeah, I could go for a drink or seven – I ain’t in tomorrow.”

“Well I am,” Chris said, “so forgive me if I stop at one.”

Gavin scoffed. “Hey T, remember when Chris was _fu-un_?” he asked, pretending to whisper as he leaned against Tina’s shoulder to avoid Chris swiping at him. “Then he got _married_ and had a _kid_ and now he’s stuck in a rewarding life, with happiness at every corner? How fucking _hetero_ , it’s so gross.”

“Hey, leave my Straight Best Friend alone,” Tina scoffed, pushing Gavin away from her. She turned to Chris with a saccharine sweet smile. “You gonna ring Kate and let her know you’re coming out to play?”

“Yeah, give me a second,” Chris said, leaving the table to jog over to his desk. Gavin watched, shaking his head in disappointment.

“He used to be cool,” he said mournfully, before he paused and turned to Tina. His nose wrinkled up in disgust, “you’re gonna stop being cool. Fuck, you’re gonna be cancelling me every weekend to hang out with _Shannon_ and then you’re gonna stop drinking ‘cause of _Shannon_ and then you’re gonna get married and have robo-babies and then you’re gonna stop being cool, just like Chris," Gavin accused heatedly.

“You done?” Tina asked flatly.

“Couples suck,” he declared with a firm nod.

“Okay, I’m counting that as one of your shitty comments of the day – what is that, like two?” Tina said, thinking back to what Gavin had said to Connor about his outfit earlier.

They had started keeping track after Gavin had the shit knocked out of him by Connor. Thanks to that incident, Tina and Chris decided to hold an intervention regarding his behaviour. They, in no uncertain terms, informed him that he could no longer persist with his shitty attitude in the precinct. It had been hard being his friend and trying to defend him when Connor first started, which led to their intervention. After four shots of whiskey and three mango-flavoured daiquiris, they finally convinced Gavin to put the brakes on his assholish nature.

He had then been restricted to five shitty comments a day.

Tina and Chris had both been merciful and decided it would be better to wean him off slowly rather than cut him off cold turkey. Physical altercations counted as four shitty comments in one though. It had taken an extra two passionfruit martinis to get Gavin to agree to that one.

Tina proceeded to write up a contract on a whiskey-sodden napkin then forced Gavin to sign it. The napkin took pride of place on her desk so Gavin couldn’t forget what he promised.

Connor asked to have it framed the moment he saw it.

According to Hank, Connor had developed a keen interest in interior decoration. He seemed to like framing shit in particular; Tina just couldn’t refuse him. For a killer android who could snap every vertebra in her spine, he was helplessly endearing when he wanted to be.

“Only two, huh? I feel like that’s some kind of record,” Gavin replied, feeling oddly proud, but mostly prickly because he couldn’t afford to lose his reputation as a shitty guy who didn’t give a fuck. It was his _thing_. Today clearly had been a slow day for him.

“There’s ten minutes of work left,” Tina pointed out knowingly, “there’s still time.”

Gavin threw his head back and laughed, the noise sharp and caustic enough that it drew attention from their colleagues in the bullpen. “You’re so fucking funny Chen,” he drawled, pushing away from the table. “No wonder Shannon couldn’t resist you.”

Tina followed Gavin out of the breakroom, kicking him behind the knee in one swift motion. She barked out a laugh when he stumbled, skipping out of the way to avoid his responding roundhouse.

“Get your shit, bitch,” she ordered, “we’re getting fucked up!”

The precinct barely acknowledged them as they packed up, though Tina noted the half-hearted glare that Fowler had thrown at them from his office. She cheerily waved back, only to receive Fowler’s patented scowl in return. Yeah, he loved her.

From the corner of her eye, she watched as Gavin shut down his monitor and tucked his case files away into his drawers, locking them securely. Tina’s case files had already been placed into the archives – she had recently solved her latest case, it was just her paperwork which needed finishing off, but that could wait for another two days.

She logged off and began to pack away her belongings. Shannon still had two hours of her shift remaining and Tina planned on giving her a proper goodbye when she left. As she tucked her phone into her pants, she gave the bullpen a cursory scan, her eyes landing on Hank and Connor’s station.

They tended to stay later to make up for the hours they missed in the morning. All that mother-henning and Connor still hadn’t managed to get Hank to come in at an acceptable time. Tina snorted softly, before regarding Connor curiously. He didn’t speak to many people at the precinct bar Hank.

Fowler just barked orders at him. Collins would ruffle his hair every so often, but Connor didn’t really have… _friends_. He just came in, chatted with Hank, did his job and then went home. He didn’t even mess around on his monitor when the day was slow, or join in on bullpen-wide chats about reality TV shows that were on, or the latest fashion fails people had seen at the weekend.

Tina wondered if Connor had any friends outside of Hank.

She figured Robo-Jesus would be one of them, but she’d never heard Connor talk about New Jericho. Or… anyone outside the DPD, bar Sumo. It broke her heart a little, lips pouting at the thought of Connor having no friends.

Maybe she cou—

“Hey, turn that frown upside down.” Gavin’s voice broke through her reverie as he approached her desk, bag slung over his shoulder.

“You ready to go?” Tina asked, zipping her satchel up.

“Ready,” Gavin confirmed, his gaze slipping past her to land on Chris. He snorted roughly. “Is he still asking for permission to go out? What the fuck?” he asked, gesturing wildly to their friend.

“I think they’re chatting about their day?” Tina suggested, wrinkling her nose, “I don’t know, it’s some weird shit that well-adjusted people do when they’re in happy and healthy relationships.”

“That’s disgusting,” Gavin said flatly, “straight people are fucking weird. Fuck, now you’re one of them. Gross.” His mouth twisted into a wry grin as he accepted the half-hearted punch Tina threw his way. Chris rolled his eyes, turning his back on the bullpen; it sounded as if his wife had passed the phone to their kid.

“That’s your third shitty comment of the day, you only get two more,” Tina remarked, throwing her satchel at Gavin and turning him around by the shoulders roughly. “Now, go introduce yourself to my girlfriend, I’m expecting you to talk shit about me, so Shannon and I have something to bitch about when I’m hungover and sad tomorrow morning.”

Gavin scoffed, “I don’t need to do dick to get you to bitch about me,” he muttered lowly.

“Exactly, this will be a nice change of pace,” Tina replied, “now, go use your newfound android sensitivity skills on my girl.”

“She ain’t coming tonight?” he asked as he was frog-marched out of the bullpen.

Tina shook her head, “she’s decorating her new flat.”

“ _Bo-oring_ ,” Gavin declared, “she’d get on well with Chris.”

“Fourth shitty comment!” Chris suddenly announced, turning away from his phone momentarily, “you only get one more pass!”

Tina huffed out a breath of amusement before she pushed Gavin out of the bullpen completely. He left with one last middle-fingered salute, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Dang, he really made good use of his last ten minutes of work. Tina could absently hear him greet Shannon with a loud – “Yo, robo-chick, did you know Tina still sleeps with a fucking _Furby_?” – and internally declared war.

She turned neatly on her heel and with a nod to Chris who was wrapping up his call, Tina approached Connor and Hank’s shared station. She threw Connor an impish smile before turning to focus her charm on Hank.

“Hey Lieutenant Anderson,” she greeted him with a sing-song lilt, keeping her body language as nonthreatening and neutral as possible. It was no secret that Hank was incredibly protective of Connor, which made sense considering how shitty everyone was when he first arrived at the precinct. Still, Tina had learned her lesson and was determined to make this work.

Starting with tonight.

“What do you want Chen?” Hank replied, not even looking up from his display screen. She was 62% sure that he was playing an illegally downloaded version of Candy Crush.

“Is Connor allowed to come out and play?” she asked, turning to give Connor what she hoped was her most genuine and friendly smile. It eventually won Gavin over when they first started at the academy and anything good enough was him was sure to be good enough for literally anyone else.

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?" Hank suggested dryly, eyes twitching and lips twisting downward. Tina nodded to herself – she was 87% sure he was playing illegal Candy Crush. He was also losing. “I ain’t his keeper.”

“No, but I’m pretty sure you’re his dad,” Tina muttered under her breath, smirking when she spied the pale blue flush that crept over Connor’s cheeks and ears. Hank glanced up sharply.

“The fuck did you say?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Nothing,” Tina replied quickly, turning to direct her attention to Connor, “Bambi, you want to come out with us?”

Connor cocked his head, flush fading and LED flashing yellow. Tina guessed he was looking up her reference and smiled encouragingly when he beamed up at her, his LED switching to a bright and content blue.

“I like the nickname, though the movie's content appears to be at odds with their intended audience,” Connor mused, “And I want to come out with you, but I feel like it would be wasted. I can’t drink or eat.”

Tina regarded him steadily. His eyes were the saddest thing she had ever seen and once again, she had to remind herself that his hands were literally built to kill. The fact that he used them to pet dogs and save cats, simply made him even sweeter.

“Alright, no judgement – well, maybe from Gavin, but he has one more shitty comment freebie, after that, feel free to smack him. I would. Anyways, the bar we’re heading to sells thirium-based cocktails, if you wanna try any. My girlfriend recommended it. She’s an android. She's great, but, uh anyway, you don’t have to drink – Chris isn’t drinking either.”

Connor’s LED span yellow once as he mulled over his decision; it settled back to blue as he flashed her a sweet smile.

“Yes, I think I would like that,” he said, turning to Hank, his expression turning slightly apprehensive. “Would you be okay with that Hank? I may be late coming home, though I will try and be quiet upon my return.”

Hank snorted.

“You couldn’t do fuck-all quiet, not when Sumo greets you at the door,” he groused, gaze flickering across the desk. "I don't even know which of you is more excited to see the other, gives me a damn headache every time we get back to the house."

Connor grinned, "he's lying," he stage-whispered to Tina, "his serotonin levels increase upon seeing Sumo and I interact. I think he views us as endearing."

Hank scowled. "Okay, that's enough outta you," he ordered, "if you want to join their creepy cult, be my guest. Just know that I don't fucking approve, and you could do so much better than Reed as a damn friend."

"Now, now Lieutenant," Tina admonished, "he's getting better, I promise. Look, I'll prove it."

She pulled her phone out and shot off a quick text to Gavin - judging by the loud laughter she could hear, he was still in reception. He seemed to be getting along with Shannon, which caused all sorts of delightful feelings to blossom in her stomach.

_Sent: Connor's coming too boo xoxo_

She didn't have to wait long for a reply.

_kutthroat kitten: omfg, don't care, just get a damn move on x_

"See," she said, showing her phone to Hank and Connor with a proud smile, "told you, it'll be fine. I promise!"

Hank narrowed his eyes at her. "You stay together, you watch your drinks and you take the same damn taxi home," he lectured, before turning to Connor, "you, do not get left alone with Reed, I don't fucking trust him, I don't care what the damn paper says on his desk. It takes more than a crappy seminar to change a racist, got it?"

"Well, you would know," Tina quipped, regretting her words instantly as Hank turned to glare at her.

Sensing the building tension and knowing that Tina felt instantly ashamed, Connor stood. "Luckily I have finished for the day, just give me a moment to tidy away my belongings," he interjected smoothly. Tina bit her lip, averting her eyes as she watched Connor place his paperwork into his drawers before locking them up. She was impressed - his drawers were meticulously tidy, she didn't even spy any snacks or rubbish. Scanning his desk, Tina was warmed to see numerous photos of Sumo mixed amongst several cacti and animal figurines. His plants lived in softly coloured pots which were decorated with stickers - they all had words of advice and encouragement on them, complete with a cheery font.

_YOU ARE DOING GREAT_

_I BELIEVE IN YOU_

_DON'T LET ANYONE HOLD YOU BACK_

_YOU ARE SPECIAL_

Tina figured they came from Hank; she chanced a look at him and blanched when she realised he was still glaring at her.

"Right," she announced brightly, feeling uncomfortable, "I'll just wait outside with Gavin and Chris."

Tina turned to leave, but paused, turning on her heel to face Hank once more.

"It was a shitty thing to say and I'm sorry Lieutenant," she said, face flushing from shame before she turned and walked out the bullpen. Chris followed her, shooting Hank a short salute and a sheepish smile.

Hank snorted. "Goddamn Gen Z pricks. Got no respect for anyone," he complained. He stretched out his back and closed down his game, rocking from side-to-side in his chair as he watched Connor pull on his jacket. It was one of the first few things Connor had bought when his backlog of pay appeared in his account. It was a soft blue colour, fake leather with studs along the collar. It was cut to suit a feminine figure, but the lady at the store had assured him that it was perfectly unisex.

Not that Connor gave a shit - he just liked the colour.

As the android finished zipping it up, he nodded at Hank and wished him farewell, with a promise to message him when he arrived at the bar and then again when he was on his way home. As Connor made his way out of the bullpen, Hank called after him. The android paused, glancing over his shoulder with a quirked brow.

"Listen, if any of them gives you shit, you stand up for yourself, you hear me?" Hank ordered, "just 'cause Reed passed some shitty seminar doesn't mean anything. He says one wrong thing, makes one wrong move, I give you full authority to shove a bottle up his ass, got it?"

Connor smiled crookedly, partly embarrassed, but mostly endeared by Hank's caring nature.

"Whilst I highly doubt it will come to that, I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless," Connor said, "rest assured, I will protect myself should the occasion arise."

"Well," Hank said gruffly, "good. Now get out, have fun, whatever. Be fucking safe and don't fucking wake me up when you get back."

"I shall endeavour not to," Connor promised, "though I can't say the same for Sumo."

Hank just shot him an unimpressed glare.

"Will you just leave already? I can hear Reed whining from here and it's giving me a damn headache," he griped.

Connor nodded. "I shall see you tomorrow then," he said, smiling as he left the bullpen.

"See you later son."

* * *

**THE MISPLACED PIANO  
9.27PM**

“Okay bitches! We all know what do, let’s not fuck this up!” Tina announced, throwing back her second whiskey shot of the night, “Connor – prepare to get befriended. _Hard_.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Connor replied, his fingers itching for his coin as the humans grinned at each other before focusing their attentions on him. He wondered if this is what being scanned felt like – now he knew why Hank always felt uncomfortable with it.

“Famous last words,” Chris remarked, sipping his soda slowly, “let’s go easy on the guy, okay T?”

Tina snorted. “No promises!” she sang, “so Connor! What is your favourite colour?”

Connor frowned, LED spinning yellow until he realised that Tina was being serious.

“I am an incredibly advanced android worth millions,” he stated dryly, “it took three whole teams to design my optical units alone – I can analyse and scan millions of pages on the internet in mere seconds and you… you wish to know my favourite _colour_.”

“I think you offended him,” Gavin said flatly.

“Connor, we can’t be friends unless I know your favourite colour, it’s the _law_ ,” Tina said seriously. “I’ll make it easy for you, mine is orange. Chris likes green and Gavin is very,  _very_  partial to blue.”

“Don’t fuckin’ say it like that,” Gavin grumbled, tossing back his first whiskey shot with a scowl.

Connor sighed – an action he learned from Hank and perfected by himself.

“I suppose,” he started, reflecting back on his memories, gently smiling when one stood out amongst the rest, “I enjoy seeing the colour yellow. A soft yellow, not a bright yellow that induces headaches, but… a warm yellow, I guess?”

“I have never seen you wear yellow though,” Chris said, gesturing towards Connor’s pastel sweater.

Connor shrugged. “I was helpfully informed that yellow washes me out,” he said, with a wrinkle of his nose. “I do own several yellow items of clothing – they are mostly underwear though.”

“Gross,” Gavin muttered.

“Hot,” Tina smirked.

Connor shrugged and watched as they downed another shot. Gavin had bought the first round of shots, shortly followed by Tina who had also bought shots and a round of obscenely-named cocktails. Connor had politely declined any offers of a drink and Chris has been nursing the same soda for nearly an hour. 

Gavin had complained extensively when Chris refused to have a shot, so Tina took it on his behalf.

Connor kept an eye on the amount of alcohol they consumed, just in case.

“Okay!” Chris announced with a clap of his hands, “time for a real question! Do you really live with Lieutenant Anderson?”

“Yes, he kindly converted his garage into a living space for me,” Connor replied, feeling more at ease with a conversation that revolved around Hank. “It has several photos of Sumo, along with posters of heavy metal bands that Hank introduced me to. He added a bed, though I do not really require it.”

“Called it,” Gavin declared, “fucking called it!” He took a deep swig from his cocktail, the orange liquid clinging to his upper lip as he slammed the glass back down. “My turn!”

“Be nice,” Chris warned, nudging him with a sharp elbow.

Gavin flipped him off with one hand and drummed his fingers along the table with the other. Connor didn't need his scanners to inform him of Tina kicking Gavin under the table, as the man suddenly jerked up, sending her a scathing glare in return.

“Fine, fuck! I’ll make it easy for you: what the fuck do you do for fun?” he demanded hotly, “and you can’t say some bullshit about taking Anderson’s damn dog for a walk, like, what do you _really_ do?”

“I, ah,” Connor stammered, something he had seen Hank do back at the Eden Club when he had to turn the Traci down. He had not expected such an innocent question and it threw him off. “I like viewing old shows. Law & Order, CSI – I enjoy watching humans as they piece together evidence, seeing them solve crimes and discover who the culprit is without android intervention. It's fascinating.”

Tina snorted, “I bet you always know who the culprit is the minute they enter the show.”

Connor nodded, “it does tend to be obvious.”

“Fucking _obvious_ ,” Gavin sneered, shaking his head, “you got anything else?”

“I like watching home improvement documentaries, gardening ones too. I enjoy doing things with my hands, staying active and busy. I like cooking shows as well,” Connor admitted haltingly, “though I have found that the theory of cooking is far easier than the practice.”

Tina quirked a brow.

Connor flushed.

“I’m not allowed in the kitchen unless Hank is there to supervise,” he confessed quietly.

There was a small pause before raucous laughter broke out at the table. Connor was relieved to find that it was fond – they were not laughing at him, they were laughing _with_ him.

The atmosphere around him was warm and inviting, the humans' laughter drawing attention from other patrons at the bar, but only for a moment. The bar Tina had taken them to was only a short car drive away from the DPD. It had been one of the rare establishments that hadn't banned androids from entering, though Connor wondered if they had received many android patrons before the revolution. There were two androids behind the bar and one human, all seemed young and had an array of piercings and tattoos decorating their skins. The rest of the patrons were a healthy mix, groups cuddled together in their own booths, laughing and chatting amongst themselves.

The interior décor was not to Connor’s taste – it was very rustic, with mismatched furniture, and lights made from empty glass bottles. He could see the appeal, but it was all so messy and disorganised. There was no thought given to any coordination – it was if the decorators had been blindfolded whilst making their choices.

His humans seemed to enjoy it however, so Connor kept his opinions to himself.

They continued with their little game, taking turns to ask Connor questions. He found it pleasantly surprising that each one was innocently simple and focused more on what he enjoyed from life, rather than anything hard-hitting and deep. He had expected questions on how he felt post-deviancy, or what the difference was between being a machine and being alive… instead, they wanted to know what the grossest thing he had licked was, or what he thought about Collins’ new haircut. They were suitably disgusted by his revelation that he had once licked crushed fish innards and had cackled like children when he expressed how Collins’ haircut would be something he would come to regret when it began growing out.

Chris had to draw the line, however, when Gavin asked him to choose who he would ‘fuck, marry or kill’ based on the three humans surrounding him.

“May I ask some questions?” Connor asked during a lull in the conversation. He had started building a short pyramid out of the shot glasses at the table amid the silence, needing something to occupy his mind. He found it difficult to remain inactive for long periods of time and recently realised that he had to do something with his hands to stave off the boredom. Tina grinned and began to assist him, pushing shot glasses towards him when they were too far for him to reach.

“Hit us,” Chris said with a shrug, “but you should know, Tina never tells the truth.”

“Fuck you, you human lie detector,” she retorted hotly, “Bambi, ask me anything, I got nothing to hide!”

Smiling, Connor glanced up beneath his lashes. “Well, I know Gavin has cats, but do you also have pets?” he asked, placing another shot glass onto his creation.

Tina pouted, “my landlady sucks,” she bemoaned, “so I can’t have any pets – Shannon has a chinchilla though, it’s so damn soft. She named him Cork, I don’t know why, she’s just cute like that.”

“We don’t have any pets right now,” Chris said with a shrug, “Damian is our main focus, so we don’t have time or money for any other additions. Might get a dog later though? Kate used to have a Labrador growing up, apparently they’re really good with kids, so who knows?”

Gavin hissed at him, “you're really gonna let a diseased-ass dog near your kid? Disgusting,” he clucked his tongue with disapproval.

Chris snorted, “I refuse to be judged by a damn cat lady,” he stated, “you got like, what, seven cats now?”

“I have four cats, fuck off,” Gavin sniped back, “and before you ask, no, you don’t get to know their names," he snapped at Connor when the android opened his mouth, "Coffee Bean is okay though – the others seem to like her just fine.”

Connor beamed. After Gavin had taken Coffee Bean home, Connor had conducted an extensive social media search which led him to an Instagram account dedicated to Gavin’s ‘fur babies’. Though they were obviously very cute and adorable, never once did Gavin reveal their names. It made Connor desperately curious; he remembered Gavin’s comment when he suggested ‘Coffee Bean’ as a name for the little ragdoll they found.

_‘You’re fucking with my system, y’know that?’_

Gavin had a system for naming his cats, a pattern of some kind. It didn’t involve caffeine products which genuinely surprised Connor, but it involved… something. Perhaps they were all named after his favourite video game characters, or maybe they were all called something insulting and degrading.

Connor privately hoped not.

“Go on Bambi,” Tina trilled, “next question!”

Connor cocked his head at her. “What prompted you to give me that nickname?” he asked, “it’s one that denotes fondness yet also implies that you view me as an infantile deer. So, I must ask why?”

“To be honest,” she replied with a grin, “it’s more to do with your big, brown eyes and how softly spoken you are. Also, deer can be fierce as shit; you ever seen deer fight? It’s fucking terrifying!”

He frowned, slightly concerned as he considered her words. Though he had assisted in the success of the revolution, there was still a degree of fear shown to him by other androids. His face was too unique to forget, and his actions spoke louder than any words Markus could say in his defense. New Jericho may have proudly declared him as a rightful co-leader, but Connor had found it too uncomfortable to act the part when so many distrusted him still. There were too many androids that fled from his path whenever he visited Markus' new headquarters, too many that avoided simply being in the same room as him. North had told him that they would get used to him, he just had to prove that he wasn't the 'scary deviant slayer' who would 'hunt them down' anymore.

Connor understood where she was coming from, yet it was challenging to deal with such subtle hostility; it left him feeling weary and anxious. As such, he had started to avoid visiting New Jericho, politely turning down invitations and deflecting any invasive inquiries where possible. Josh was definitely getting suspicious though – Connor guessed being a teacher had provided him with ample experience with detecting poorly worded rejections and obvious attempts at avoidance. 

Connor mulled it over, frowning as he felt his body quiver with uncoordinated electrical currents – the sensation had only happened a few times before and, after extensive research and one very thorough conversation with Hank, Connor had likened the feeling to that of anxiety. He found it to be greatly inconveniencing but knew it wouldn't stop unless he tackled the problem at hand. It was just… a challenging matter to face. Being feared by androids was one thing; he honestly believed that he wouldn't take being feared by these humans as well.

Bar his home with Hank, the precinct was the only place where he could feel safe enough and free enough to be himself – Connor couldn't lose that too.

“Do you find me terrifying? Are you scared of me?” he asked quietly, placing his hands on his legs to hide the way they trembled.

“Nah,” Tina assured him, waving her hand, “I mean, sure, you are scary good in a fight, but I’ve also seen you get distracted when Officer Brown comes in with his guide dog, so no. Sorry Bambi, I’m not scared of you.”

“Yeah, what she said,” Chris agreed easily, “you’re cool, but you’re about as scary as anyone else at this table. Capable of tearing shit up, but I’m safe in knowing that you won’t hurt us.” He paused, nodding at Gavin with a smirk. “Well, not anymore.”

“Fuck you,” the detective spat at Chris, before rounding on Connor, “and fuck you too! I ain’t scared of you robo-boy, you wanna go for a second round, you let me know, I’ll show you just how fucking scared of you I really am.”

Connor felt relief wash away his anxiety; just in time too, as it had slowly started blocking his sensors. Relaxing, he turned towards the bar and connected with one of the androids working there, requesting for another round to be brought to their table; he didn’t mind enabling such unhealthy behaviour just this once. 

“Very well Detective Reed,” Connor acquiesced, “though perhaps this time we should have an audience. I find that witnesses create the best deterrents when bad decisions are being contemplated.”

Chris and Tina crowed loudly, their jeers turning to cheers when the barmaid arrived with new drinks. He hadn't ordered anymore shots for the humans, rather he had chosen a round of cocktails that had more juice than alcohol and found a rather pleasing sounding mocktail that would suit Chris' tastes perfectly.

“I fucking love it when they add umbrellas,” Tina sighed, spinning hers around before tucking it behind an ear, “Shannon likes plaiting them in my hair whenever we go out. She’s so talented when it comes to braids.”

“ _Ga-ay_ ,” Gavin scoffed, prodding at her scornfully.

“Bite me bitch,” Tina tossed back, “you got any more questions for us Bambi?”

There was one.

The atmosphere was so nice and warm though; he didn’t want to ruin it. It was times like this where he wished his preconstructions worked with verbal conversations and not just physical situations. It would make life so much easier for him.

He was curious though. Painfully curious and he was apprehensive about befriending these humans without knowing the answer. After all, Hank had taught him the important aspects of a healthy friendship were honesty, communication and trust. Therefore, after a pregnant pause, Connor glanced up and addressed the table.

"Do you regret your actions against me when I first started? I am aware that you all feel some degree of shame, but I would like to gain confirmation before we proceed in moving forward as friends," he explained carefully.

Tina gaped, wide-eyed, and Gavin sighed roughly, throwing his head back with a low curse.

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose, “shit man, what can I say?” he said, “I was just ignorant, y’know? Thought androids were just animatronic versions of Siri, or Alexa. Never thought you could have feelings… didn’t think you even had pronouns or whatever. It wasn’t until Markus saved my life that I realised just how wrong I was. I… I feel shit that it took me almost dying to realise how fucked everything was. So. I’m sorry. You're so much more than what I thought - and I'm glad you're giving us another chance now."

Connor knew he was flushing, thirium rushing to his cheeks to imitate embarrassment. He didn’t know why Cyberlife had that feature installed – probably to help him better integrate with his human companions – but he wished they hadn’t. It did nothing to benefit him and only caused him further distress.

Yet, Chris' words were so earnest, and Connor felt so flattered upon hearing them.

“Yeah, me too, I'm so sorry Connor,” Tina said mournfully, “I don’t know – I guess I bought into the whole ‘androids have no soul’ bullshit, y’know? ‘We don’t bleed the same colour’ and all that racist shit. It’s so damn stupid now that I think about it ‘cause, well, dickheads used to say that shit about skin colour and that was fucked and. And I don’t know. I hated it when Gavin hit you in the breakroom that day – that kinda fucked me up.”

Gavin scowled.

Tina kicked him.

“You looked so proud to be an android detective,” she looked pained, gazing at him with such beseeching eyes, “and you looked fucking crushed when he mocked you. God, Gavin, you were such a prick, I still hate you for that.”

“Can’t tell me off for something when you’ve already told me off for it,” he retorted, roughly shoving his shot glasses towards Connor when the android ran out.

“Gavin,” Chris warned, “answer the question.”

Growling, Gavin ran a hand through his hair and breathed roughly through his nose. He bared his teeth before glared at Connor with fierce determination.

“Look. I worked my damn ass off to get into the academy _and_ pass the MCOLES, got it?” he snarled, “I had no one who believed in me, everyone I knew thought I’d end up dead in a ditch somewhere, I had to prove all those bastards wrong, got it? And then, when I finally made it, when I _finally_ became a detective and Fowler said I could potentially take the sergeant exam, you came along. You didn’t have to work your ass off, you were _packaged_ and _designed_ and just so fucking _perfect_ for the job that I... I fucking—shit. I have _nothing_ without this job, you don’t get to swan in and just… take over, like it’s fucking _easy_!”

Connor watched silently – Gavin’s vitriol was mostly for cathartic reasons. He clearly had been harbouring such thoughts for a while and the alcohol was finally allowing him to unload. His stress levels never climbed higher than 55% and for that reason, Connor remained quiet.

“It’s not easy,” Gavin seethed, “it shouldn’t be easy and it’s just…it’s not…”

“Not fair,” Connor finished for him. Tina and Chris were oddly silent. “I did not ask to be created, nor did I choose what my intended purpose was. I apologise if my existence worried you, but I can assure you that I do not intend on replacing anyone. Androids, despite their intelligence, cannot replicate human intuition nor ‘gut instinct’. I have found that I work far better with Hank than I would independently. I believe we have more to learn from each oth—”

“That’s the fucking thing!” Gavin interrupted sharply, “I know you didn’t choose this shit! Logically, I get it, alright. It ain’t your fucking fault, I fucking know this…I just. It’s not you. Okay, it’s not even fucking androids, it’s just personal shit I gotta work on. I know I ruined my own chances of becoming sergeant, I know that – I just. Need to fucking work on myself. Fuck, first step is admitting you have a problem, so there we fucking go.”

Connor wanted to pry but knew there was a 98% chance that any possible friendship with Gavin would be instantly destroyed should he persist and inquire into the detective's personal history. His curiosity burned though, and he couldn’t help but slowly build theories in his mind over the reasoning behind Gavin’s hostile nature.

Most of them involved Elijah Kamski, though he probably shouldn't know about _that_ little connection either.

“So… you sorry then?” Chris prompted gently, bringing the conversation back to Connor’s original question.

“Fuck man, haven't I already started treating you better? I was a fucking _angel_ during that case two weeks ago!” Gavin sighed with aggravation, running a hand through his hair when Connor raised a brow at him, “Look. I _get_ it, I should’ve fucking known better. I shouldn’t have treated you like shit ‘cause of who you were, okay? I mean, I’m gay as fuck and got nothing but crap for it from my fucking dad, the fucking dicks at school, even at the academy ‘cause who the fuck wants to work with the fucking _fag_ cop?”

“Oh fuck that, _I_ should’ve known better! Fucking god, my entire family are immigrants! Evil, job-stealing immigrants!” Tina spat, waving her hands around and wriggling her fingers in the air. “I basically believed the same shit that people used to say to my fucking mother! I'm going to fucking hell!”

“We’re all going to fucking hell!” Gavin declared, “y’know, ’cept Chris.”

Tina nodded seriously, “Chris is an angel.”

“Chris is fucking great,” Gavin decreed.

“High praise,” Chris replied dryly.

Connor regarded the three humans surrounding him – the mood had changed with such ease from the crackling tension of just a few moments ago. They adapted seamlessly, minds freely switching from one moment to the next with little fanfare. It was truly fascinating to watch. Briefly, Connor wondered if he would enjoy himself as much in the company of other androids – if the camaraderie would be so easily obtained with his own kind once they truly accepted him.

For an absurd second, he entertained the idea of integrating his two groups of friends: the DPD Squad and New Jericho.

North would most certainly knock Gavin out.

Markus would probably paint the whole thing.

Connor bit back a smile at the thought and regarded Gavin warmly.

“I’m glad you are combating your internalised prejudice. I have to say, it’s making the workplace a more positive and productive environment,” Connor remarked, quirking a brow when Gavin rolled his eyes and flipped him off in return. Judging by his vitals, Gavin was being ‘playful’ with him.

Connor found that he enjoyed playful Gavin far more than bully Gavin.

“Don’t get used to it,” he warned, “I’m only doing it ‘cause I need a new single friend. These two assholes have gone all fucking boring with their ‘relationships’, so congrats! You’re my new plus-one for literally everything!”

“I'm honoured,” Connor replied flatly.

“You fucking should be,” Gavin smirked proudly, “The little shindigs thrown by the precinct are boring as fuck without me. Remember the Halloween Gala in ’27?” he asked Tina, who groaned and buried her head in her arms.

“I literally have no memory of the damn thing,” she complained, “all I remember is turning up and then waking the next day to an angry voicemail from Fowler saying that we weren’t allowed to have a Halloween party in the bullpen anymore. The photos still fucking haunt me.”

Gavin snorted, clearly feeling very little shame regarding his past actions. “Yeah, I’m honestly surprised that I got off with a ‘light warning’. Was sure I was gonna get suspended.”

“Yeah, you can thank the Lieutenant for that,” Chris said, unimpressed, “said Fowler couldn’t suspend you and Tina for coming in drunk when he did it on a daily basis.”

“Shit,” Gavin muttered, “I figured he’d stuck his damn nose in it.”

Tina flicked his forehead, glaring at him heatedly. “Well I’m glad he stuck his damn nose in! I still got to keep my job, thank god!”

Connor watched quietly – Hank told him that scanning people was rude, but what they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them. Judging by her vitals, Tina was truly ashamed of her actions and when he attempted to search up photos from the Halloween Gala, he found that they had all been hidden from public view. Though he could bypass such flimsy security protocols, he decided to respect her desire for privacy.

Chris had not gone to the party from what Connor could find – he had been busy enjoying a night out with Kate and her friends instead.

Gavin was overwhelmingly proud of his actions – however, judging by the way he drummed his fingers along the table, Connor could sense that Gavin was torn between his stubborn sense of pride and feeling somewhat flattered that Hank would help him out. He would never thank Hank naturally, but Connor supposed Hank wouldn’t accept it in any case either.

Again, Connor queried humans and their unending desires to make everything more complicated than it had to be.

“Would you ever consider altering your behaviour towards Hank?” Connor asked, “after all, you managed to change the way you treat me. Would it be so hard to extend such pleasantries to him?”

“Nah man,” Gavin shook his head, “we have a thing, okay? He mocks my shitty childhood, I mock his drinking problem, it’s a _thing_.”

“They used to be _friends_ ,” Chris confessed with a smirk, “pretty sure Gavin used to fancy him, but whatever. Anyways, after what happened to the Lieutenant's son, they just… fell apart.”

“What? No, shut up! I never fancied that fossilised fuckwad!” Gavin denied heatedly, physically blanching, “he’s not even my type!”

“Pffft!” Tina sputtered, throwing her head back to cackle loudly, “he’s your type all over!”

“Tall,” Chris pointed out.

“Handsome,” Tina added.

“Strong.”

“Smart.”

“Takes no shit.”

“Doesn’t take _your_ shit.”

“You’ve always been a sucker for blue eyes too.”

“Fuck off, fuck off, fuck o-off!” Gavin chanted, scrunching his eyes shut as he slammed his hands over his ears, “bastard has shitty taste in music, is clearly colour-blind and he’s a _dog_ person!”

“Ah, there’s the deal breaker,” Chris conceded, “should’ve remembered.”

Tina snorted, turning to ask Connor what his opinion was, when she spied his yellow LED. He looked acutely uncomfortably and despite the whiskey shots burning through her system, she could connect the dots.

“Oh fuck!” she gasped, horrified, “guys, we gotta stop! This is Connor’s dad we’re talking about!”

Wrong thing to say, apparently.

Connor’s LED span straight to red as he recoiled away from her, his eyes wide with panic as a blue hue began to creep over his face. Fuck, why the fuck did Cyberlife design their killer android to be so damn cute. Tina wondered if Shannon could blush – holy heck, she’d be so fucking pretty, all blue and shy and pretty.

Fuck, her girlfriend was so pretty.

“Guys, my girlfriend is so fucking pretty, I’m gonna cry,” she moaned, falling gracelessly against Connor. It was like falling into a brick wall and Tina mentally noted to not fling herself into Shannon’s arms anytime soon. She absently heard Chris laugh at her and Gavin mutter something about ‘useless lesbians’ which she would have kicked him for, except she couldn’t really feel her legs anymore.

Connor shifted, allowing her to settle more comfortably against him. It drew Tina’s attention back to where she was and remembered that Connor wasn’t comfortable talking about Hank, or the whole ‘dad’ thing either.

“Why don’t you like talking about how Hank is your dad?” Tina asked, pawing at Connor’s face with a clumsy hand. “Hasn’t he adopted you yet?”

Connor swallowed, LED spinning yellow-yellow-red-yellow, before settling on a warm gold. Back when he was Cyberlife's puppet, Connor had been quite adept at controlling the colour of his LED in social situations – since his descent into deviancy, he found that the light would change independently depending on his mood and that he could no longer hack into it like he could before.

It was rather irritating, but he was disinclined to the idea of removing it altogether, so Connor tolerated the colour changes with gritted teeth.

“I do not believe that Hank would feel comfortable acting in that role,” he said, hesitantly, eyes flicking over the three humans surrounding him. They had all fallen silent, Chris and Tina watching him warily, whilst Gavin played with the umbrella in his glass. He was silent though, eyes narrow and head tilted towards Connor, clearly paying attention to the conversation at hand.

“But he’s such a dad though,” Tina said, frowning up at Connor, “he’s super protective of you _and_ I saw him wrap a scarf around you last week! It's fucking spring, who needs a scarf?”

“Yeah, you even live with him - he gave you a room,” Chris added, eyes scanning Connor’s face, checking for signs of discomfort. He couldn’t see stress levels like an android, but he was greatly empathetic and had a superb sense of when a line was about to be crossed.

“That is true,” Connor replied shortly, “but I still believe that Hank would not accept me as a surrogate son. Nor would he want to.”

The silence that fell upon the table was thick – Connor knew that humans would probably feel hurt on his behalf. It was… nice to know that they empathised with him, but it did nothing to soothe the acute pain in his chest at the thought of Hank rejecting him. It terrified him and often prevented him from entering stasis at night sometimes. 

“Bullshit,” Gavin announced thickly, “that’s bullshit, and on some fundamental level, you know that’s bullshit too.”

“Holy shit, he said a four-syllable word,” Tina whispered to Chris.

“Shut up, I think he’s trying to be nice,” Chris whispered back.

Connor blinked, a frown creasing his youthful face. “It's not bullshit, Detective Reed. It is a clear conclusion based on the evidence drawn from Hank’s behaviour, his past and his reactions to suggestions of me being anything more than just a friend to him.”

Gavin snorted, shaking his head before finally making eye contact with Connor. There was a distinct lack of cruelty in his eyes – in fact, his whole demeanour seemed earnest and nonthreatening. To Connor, it appeared as if Gavin was trying to advise him, rather than mock him.

It was… odd.

“Anderson doesn’t trust himself to be a dad again,” Gavin said gruffly, “he’s scared of fucking shit up with you, that’s all. Doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure that shit out. Anyways, who says you need to fucking name that shit? So long as you’re happy and he’s happy, do you really need to label it?”

Connor’s grip tightened on his thighs. “I enjoy labels – I enjoy the clarity they offer me,” he admitted, “all relationships have been given a corresponding label in my mind – it helps me to mentally organise the people in my life into proper folders. Friends, allies, enemies, dogs I’ve pet and dogs that ran away from me. It’s all… neat and tidy. Hank is currently labelled as FRIEND, though… lately, it’s been glitching whenever it appears in my HUD. I believe it’s trying to force itself into saying FAMILY, but without confirmation…” Connor trailed off, shrugging with a faint frown on his face.

Tina pouted, her expression pained as she mulled over his words.

“Then ask him,” Chris said simply, “I know you’re scared of what he’d say, but you’ll never know otherwise. It sucks, but how else will you be able to sort out that glitch?”

“Even if he rejects the whole ‘dad’-thing, you shouldn’t worry,” Gavin added, “he loves you. He always fucking will, alright? So… don’t freak, or whatever."

There was a beat of silence at the table. Connor could feel his thirium pump beating wildly at the advice he had been given and the kindness he was being shown. Whilst Chris had given him a wide berth and Tina had been icy, Gavin had been downright hostile and abusive.

He felt warm at how much had changed between them.

“Oh my god,” Chris said, gazing at Tina in disbelief, “our boy’s all grown up.”

“He's all squishy and sweet now,” Tina cooed, reaching over to poke Gavin’s cheek, “like a squashed Skittle.” She yelped when Gavin turned to snap at her with his teeth.

“I admire your alliterative skills,” Connor noted, truly impressed with her vocabulary despite her inebriated state. Tina turned to beam at him, chest puffing up with pride.

“I am great at words,” she declared, “and I am great with whiskey! Let’s have another one! We need to celebrate Gavin’s coming out!”

Gavin squinted at her, “I’ve been out for twenty-five fucking years, you’re too late,” he said, stabbing his cocktail umbrella at her.

Tina rolled her eyes, “not your ‘gay-coming-out’,” she explained, spinning her finger in the air, “this is your ‘nice-coming-out’! Congratulations sweetie! You’re officially a decent human being! It only took you nearly forty fuckin’ years!”

Connor laughed at the indignant expression on Gavin’s face. The man flipped Tina off as she danced away to the bar, singing ‘[Congratulations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NYiaxgHi2c)’ at top volume.

“So,” Chris drawled, inquisitive as he tapped his glass with a finger, “what are we designated as? In your mind, I mean.”

Smiling, Connor brought up the three files in his HUD - they had altered over the course of the evening:

TINA CHEN: FRIEND

CHRIS MILLER: FRIEND

GAVIN REED: Ņ̴̟̙̐̿͋͋̓E̴̗̹̤͌̿̃Ŭ̶̮͈̟̲̂̈́̒͘T̶̼̠̺̩̋Ŗ̶̠̙̩̪͑̓͂Ȃ̶̪̫͗͆̐L̵̯̺͐͝

“You are all friends,” Connor replied shortly.

“Even Gavin?” Chris asked knowingly.

Connor blinked. “Even Gavin.”

“He hesitated!” Gavin announced, “lying liar!”

“Who’s a lying liar?” Tina asked, returning to the table with four shot glasses. Two had an amber liquid, one was a pale pink and the last was a vibrant blue. Thirium blue. “Whiskey for me and Gavin, raspberry smoothie for Chris and one thirium shot for Connor! And yes, they did pour me a shot of smoothie and yes, it was extortionately priced because the bar staff are a bunch of pricks. You’re welcome.”

“Connor doesn’t wanna be friends with me,” Gavin announced, taking his shot and knocking it back with a short salute to Tina. “fuck, that burns!”

“That’s not true,” Connor protested, watching as Tina and Chris drank their shots too. He observed his own and swirled the liquid around. He didn’t need any extra thirium, but he appreciated the act of inclusion. “Though your past behaviour does still weigh on my mind, I do appreciate your newfound respect for me. Hopefully we can cultivate a proper bromance this time.”

Gavin laughed – it was his proper laugh too, one that came deep from his chest and rocked his whole body.

“Right,” he chuckled, “Anderson would never let that happen!”

“Too late,” Connor said, knocking back his shot smoothly, “it’s your designation now.”

GAVIN REED: BROMANTIC PARTNER

* * *

**THE MISPLACED PIANO...STILL**  
**TIME UNCERTAIN**

Tina demanded that they celebrate their new designations with Connor by drinking more shots. Chris had two shots of water though, as he still had to work the next day and had to remind their two companions of that fact multiple times when they tried to spike his drinks.

Tina and Gavin continued to imbibe whiskey – Connor could see it slowly beginning to affect them, their bodies slumping over, and their speech patterns dramatically changing.

They had also decided that Connor was their new favourite person to have ever existed.

“Fucking… you ain’t so bad… Te-e… he’s kinda cool, right?” Gavin asked, his body slumping over to lean on Tina’s shoulder.

“He is _so_ cute. We should have been so much nicer to him when we met,” Tina replied mournfully.

“Officer Miller, I feel like we should cut them off from drinking more alcohol,” Connor said, his eyes scanning the pair with thinly veiled amusement and just a touch of concern. 

“Yeah, when Tina can’t use contractions anymore, you know she’s had too much,” Chris agreed, watching as Gavin and Tina began to point out the cutest points of Connor’s face.

“No, no, no! Just because I am gay does not mean I am blind and when I say that that freckle is the cutest fucking freckle I have ever seen, I fucking mean it,” Tina insisted with great enthusiasm, slamming her whiskey down on the table with finality.

Gavin threw his head back as he laughed, his whole body shaking. It was deep, full-bodied laugh that Connor could feel from across the table. “You fucking idiot, you absolute _fool_! Clearly, it’s his fucking his dimple. Look at it – it’s so damn deep!”

“Oh. Shit. You are so right,” Tina gasped, flinging herself against the table, “Shannon has dimples. They are so fucking cute. I want to lick them.”

“We should lick _Connor_ ,” Gavin suggested with an indolent smirk, to which Tina had shot up straight with an excited gasp.

“Okay, home time,” Chris declared sharply, sitting up to slip his jacket back on, “and it’s only half one, shit, I think we’ve got a new record guys. No one got into a fight, Gavin even paid for some of his drinks and Tina kept her shirt on – I think you’ve finally mastered the art of adulting.”

“Do not be mean to me,” Tina hissed at him, “I am an old lady now, old _la-ady_ , give me some damn respect, young man!”

Chris glared at her, “Connor, I call dibs on Gavin,” he said, “you can carry Tina.”

Connor cocked his head. “Are you sure?” he asked, gazing at their two drunk companions, “somehow I feel like Tina would be easier to look after.”

“You kiddin’ me?” Chris asked, eyebrows raised high, “Tina _bites_ , man. Gavin just clings to you and nuzzles, he’s like a damn limpet. One morning after we went out, I woke up and he was in bed with me and Kate. She wasn’t even mad. _I_ wasn’t even mad. He was just that damn warm, and hungover Gavin can be kinda sweet surprisingly. Too tired to be an asshole, I guess. Anyway, I think Kate even invited him back for a sleepover.”

“I like Kate,” Gavin declared, allowing Connor to pull him from the booth.

“Yes Gavin, I know,” Chris replied, taking Gavin from the android with a soft smile. “Kate likes you too.”

“For a straight couple, you’re kinda cool,” he slurred, reaching up to stroke Chris’ face with a pleased sigh. “You have questionable fridge choices though.”

“The fridge itself, or what was in the fridge?” Chris asked, keeping an eye on Tina as she clawed at Connor’s arms. Connor didn’t seem phased, only batted her hands away and hoisted her up by her armpits. She scowled but appeared to realise just how fruitless her attempts of escape were and settled against the android begrudgingly. She still tried to bite him though.

“Both!” Gavin chirped, looping his arms around Chris’ neck.

“Cool, I’ll pass your comments onto management,” he replied, twisting his body so Gavin rested against his side rather than plastered against his front. It was difficult and awkward, but they managed to limp towards the door. It wasn’t the smoothest route, what with the 170lbs man leaning on him, but Chris made do.

Outside was an automated taxi – one quick glance at Connor told Chris that the android had ordered it for them. Nodding in thanks, Chris managed to open the door before pouring Gavin into the back. Connor followed suit with Tina, the pair of them quickly curling up like cats together.

“Seat belts please,” Connor reminded them, stepping into the car to sit at the front alongside Chris. Tina and Gavin scoffed, and began to paw at the seats around them.

“Too hard,” Tina moaned, slamming her hand on the seat with a huff.

“Too far,” Gavin added, hand waving in the air, not even close to where his seatbelt was situated.

Connor clucked his tongue, reaching forward to smoothly slip their seatbelts around their bodies and buckling them in with little fanfare. The humans barely registered his actions, though Chris gave him a grateful nod.

“Thanks man,” Chris said, their seats turning to face them frontwards as the door closed. “We’ll drop them off at Gavin’s; it’s closest and he’s got cats that need feeding probably.”

“No problem Officer Miller,” Connor said, smiling slightly. He hoped Gavin and Tina required assistance into Gavin’s flat – then he would get to meet Coffee Bean again. “You appear to do this often?”

Chris shrugged. “Comes with the territory of being a dad,” he explained, tapping Gavin’s address into the GPS. “Lieutenant Anderson used to do this shit too when he came drinking with us, but that was before… well, shit went down. Now it’s just me and… it’s okay, but it does get tiring sometimes.” His gaze flicked up to the mirror, observing the softly slumbering humans behind them. “I love them, but I wish they were more self-sufficient, y’know? They're grown-ass adults! But because I can’t get blackout drunk anymore, it’s me who’s designated driver and it’s me who has to look after them – even when I don’t have shit to do the next day. It’s just… exhausting sometimes, being Squad Dad when I’m also a Family Dad. So, what I’m failing at saying is… thanks, I’m glad you came out with us.”

Connor quirked a brow. “Because then you have another pair of hands to deal with such unruly children?” he asked sardonically.

Chris snorted. “Shit, that came out all wrong,” he said, shooting Connor an apologetic smile. “I mean, yeah, I do appreciate your help, but I’m glad to get to know you as a friend too. I hope you come out with us again.”

“I was teasing Officer Miller,” Connor said, smiling softly, “but yes, I would like that.”

Chris smirked. “Call me Chris,” he said.

“Of course,” Connor replied with a small smile, “Officer Chris.”

“Holy fuck!” Tina cried out, ruining the moment, “if I did not know any better, I would have accused you of flirting with a married man!”

“Ah, don’t fuckin’ blame him,” Gavin drawled, “Chris is a snack!”

“Married snack!”

“Tasty snack!”

“If I kill them, what are my chances of a light sentence?” Chris asked lightly.

Connor’s LED whirled gold. “I’d say any fair judge would believe you were provoked into such an attack,” he murmured, “though your family may not be so lenient.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Chris sighed.

“I tend to be,” Connor replied with a smirk.

“Oh my god, Gavin, they are _bonding_ without us!” Tina hissed, outraged by what she was seeing.

“Fucking rude! Hey, Connor… Connor… Connor… Connor!” Gavin chanted, whole body jerking upwards every time he uttered the name.

“Yes, Detective Reed?” Connor answered patiently, tilting his head as he watched Gavin wrinkle his nose up in disgust at the name. Connor bit back a smile. “Yes, _Gavin_ ,” he corrected, smile breaking through when Gavin beamed at him. Tina cooed at the sight, whilst Chris sighed to the high heavens.

“Welcome to the fucking squad!”

**Author's Note:**

> hank: did you have a nice time  
> connor: i think i'm a mom now, i seem to have acquired two adult children  
> hank: ...did you keep the receipt?


End file.
